It’s a situation that many adult children find themselves in. For decades your parent has been there for you. She’s provided emotional support and guidance. She has helped you financially, and has possibly been your closest ally. In short, your parent has been a shining constant in your life. Now the roles are reversed and she’s the one who needs your support.
If you find yourself in the position of providing care to your mother or father, you’re not alone. According to a
2009 study from AARP, more than 65 million Americans care for a disabled or ill family member or friend. On average, they spend 20 hours per week providing that care.
If you’re like most caregivers, you’ve never been in this position before. You don’t have training as a caregiver, and it’s certainly not something you ever expected to do. Nevertheless, your parent needs support and you are the one who will provide it.
Where do you start? How do you develop a care plan that meets your parent’s needs but also protects your sanity? What resources can you lean on for support?
Being a caregiver is a complicated role, so it’s impossible to cover every detail here. However, below are three good starting points to help you manage your new role as caregiver. Start by implementing these action steps. You’ll likely find that they help you eliminate a great deal of risk and uncertainty.
When an elderly parent is suffering from injury, illness, or a cognitive condition like Alzheimer’s, things can change quickly. One day your parent may be fine home alone for hours at a time. A month later they could have difficulty moving from the bedroom to the kitchen.
Today’s needs may seem like the most pressing issues, but it’s important that you take time to consult with doctors, siblings, and even your parent to determine what the future will hold and what actions may be necessary. If your parent is suffering from a cognitive disorder, it’s important that you have these conversations while they are still able to contribute.
Here a few questions to consider as you develop a long-term plan:
- What is the likely long-term prognosis of your parent’s condition? How could their condition deteriorate going forward?
- From a realistic standpoint, how long can you provide the level of care your parent needs? Will they eventually need professional assistance or may they even need to move into a facility?
- What assets, insurance, and other resources does your parent have available to pay for additional care?
- What are your parent’s wishes regarding care and end-of-life treatment? Do they have documents like a living will or power of attorney to protect their wishes?
- How long can you provide care? Do you need to return to work in the future? Are there family obligations that could impact your ability to provide long-term care?
By developing a long-term plan, you can stay prepared as complications arise. The short-term needs are important, but take time to plan for potential long-term needs.
Assess the home and determine how you can minimize risks.
Your parent likely has a strong desire to stay out of a facility and either in your home or their own home. That’s understandable. They’re comfortable in their home or around family, and they probably don’t want to sacrifice their independence.
The problem is that homes aren’t usually built or designed with long-term care needs in mind. Even the simplest items - like a microwave, a bathtub, or even steps to the back porch - could be serious threats.
The home also may not be conducive to their mobility needs. If your parent is restricted to a wheelchair, they may not be able to access certain rooms because the doorway isn’t big enough. The upstairs of the home may be off-limits altogether.
Perform a thorough assessment of the home to determine areas of risk and items that may need to be modified. Some items to consider include:
You may even be able to have a home care professional inspect the house and make safety and mobility recommendations. The senior services agency in your area may be able to do this, or you could consult with a company that offers home care products.
Identify sources of assistance and support, and set limits to protect yourself.
You may be completely dedicated to your new role as caregiver. Even the highest levels of commitment, though, can’t prevent burnout. You have to live your life and meet your personal obligations in addition to providing care for your parent. The last thing you want is to spend your final years with your parent in a state of frustration and resentment.
To protect yourself and your own sanity, set firm limits on the amount of care you provide. Document the number of hours you will be at the home and the amount of financial commitment you can afford to make. Remember, if you’re leaving your job to provide care, that’s the same as paying for care out of your own pocket.
Identify sources that can pick up the slack. Start with your siblings. See whether they can pick up hours to be at the house. If not, suggest that they contribute financially, especially if you’re forgoing compensation to be with your parent. You may want to draft a
sibling agreement documenting each person’s contribution.
Also look to outside agencies for help.
Meals on Wheels is a terrific program. Some senior agencies may provide caregivers who can pop in and check on housebound elderly people on a regular basis.
You may find adult daycare services in your area, which could allow you to work or meet other obligations. Also, many hospitals and other organizations offer caregiver support groups. You can meet others in the same situation. They can offer tips, give you a place to vent, or even help you out with your parent.
The point is to find resources so you don’t have to do everything yourself. These could be your final few years with your parent. Enjoy them as much as possible. Allow yourself a break so you can be a loving caregiver for your mom or dad.
If you’re in need of supplies, safety devices, beds, mobility aids, home modifications, or more,
contact us here at MedMart. Our home care consultants welcome an opportunity to discuss your parent’s needs with you. We can recommend tools and aids and help you develop a plan to make your parent’s home safer and more comfortable for them.
